Although there were influential women in stoicism, such as Porcia Caton, and some accounts suggest that Aspasia of Miletus would have been Socrates' teacher in subjects like rhetoric and philosophy, most of the writings and teachings come from men and have been directed at a male audience. Even today, the lessons of Seneca, Epictetus, or Marcus Aurelius reach us through young content creators flexing their muscles on social media, inviting us not to be carried away by emotions and not to depend on external factors that we cannot control. This attitude has been interpreted - or misinterpreted - as a kind of emotional coldness linked to the ideal of masculine role, especially in military, sports, or political contexts.
However, "the inner strength, resilience, virtue, and rationality promoted by stoicism are universal values," defends Pilar Sousa (Barcelona, July 17, 1995), a multidisciplinary artist who found in this classical philosophy a powerful tool for personal growth and self-discipline. This internal journey allowed her to overcome challenges such as eating disorders, depression, abuse, and personal betrayals, she recounts.
"A strong awakening of consciousness at 18 years old drove me to go beyond the conventional and seek answers in the depths of myself. Every event that seemed designed to destroy me became fuel, making me stronger." Now her mission is to share these vital lessons with other women, "so they can find their light even in the darkest moments." And she explains this in her new book: Estoica.
Question. Why a feminine stoicism?
Answer. The great philosophical figures that we have had as references in history books have always been men, while women have been silenced perhaps due to cultural reasons. That does not mean they did not have intellectual influence in their time. For example, Diotima of Mantinea appears in Plato's Symposium teaching Socrates about love and wisdom. I wondered how many women, how many teachers, and how many philosophers we do not know about.
Q. What are the main challenges that women face today and how can stoicism help to confront them?
A. One of the great challenges for women today is fear. In many aspects, we are free and have freed ourselves from huge chains that we have been dragging along for hundreds of years, but the fear of judgment, not feeling heard, and the fear of rejection still enslave women today. Stoicism gives you tools to let go of everything that is beyond your control and to embrace your true power, your internal state, your attitude, and the decisions you make from your center.
Q. Many women tend to carry excessive guilt, whether for not meeting others' expectations, prioritizing themselves, or feeling they are not doing "enough." How can stoicism help to free oneself from that guilt and live more tranquilly?
A. One of its foundations is the use of reason. The practice of observing your own thoughts without identifying with them, meaning those ideas that sometimes possess us and make us act in ways that we do not identify with. One of the most practical and useful lessons for me is that exercise in awareness. Understanding that you are much more than your thoughts, that you do not have to act impulsively, that you can respond instead of react. It helps you live a centered and serene life without letting external conditions, which are inevitable and will happen, affect you. What you can avoid is the suffering that arises from clinging to all those thought patterns about circumstances beyond your control.
Q. Stoicism is often associated with the suppression of emotions. How do you explain that it is not about repressing but about managing what we feel better?
A. Stoic emotional intelligence is understanding that emotions are chaotic, contradictory, and hardly neutral. It is not about labeling them as good or bad, saying that anger must be rejected and joy emphasized, but about learning to respond with wisdom, in a measured way, and without being carried away by the first impulse. The mind is often very deceptive, projecting our insecurities. But we have enough humility to see where we are failing and make a consequent decision that leads us to be better. This is by no means about suppressing because everything you hide will eventually come out in another way. For example, in the form of addiction to the mobile phone or to tobacco. Therefore, the solution is not to suppress the emotion but to have a very deep self-awareness. What am I feeling? When was the first time I felt this, where does this root come from? You must have a lot of self-compassion. We are much more than those emotions that lead us to commit imprudent actions and the same mistakes.
Q. Who is your favorite current stoic woman?
A. [Thinks]. Taylor Swift is the best current example of an unbreakable and resilient woman at 35. She has demonstrated this in different stages and challenges of her life, becoming one of the greatest music icons of the century. And this is a milestone in an industry that, after 30, sends women to a kind of elephant graveyard to be replaced by younger ones with a much fresher look. Many women fear turning 30 because it seems like the end of the world and opportunities. She is a living example that women can continue to succeed and achieve their goals in a much grander and more significant way.
Q. You are very transparent in the book, sharing episodes like abuse or eating disorders. How did stoicism personally help you?
A. We live in a changing reality. Nothing is static, nothing remains the same all the time. A stoic woman cannot step into the same river twice because neither the river is the same nor is she the same woman. Understanding that all stages of life are different and each one gives you a unique learning experience has helped me not to give up. Although I experienced an eating disorder at 18 and was hospitalized for treatment, that does not define my life or my person. Instead, it enriches the woman I am becoming. I can always continue to expand and gain wisdom. How beautiful it is to know that you will be an eternal learner forever until the day you die! There is so much to learn and discover that you cannot help but wake up in the morning happy and excited about everything ahead of you.
Q. You also talk about toxic and narcissistic relationships. Is it inevitable to encounter certain people?
A. As Marcus Aurelius said in Meditations, many times it will be a very tough lesson that you cannot avoid because when you go out into the external world, you will encounter bitter, ungrateful, rude people... people who lack that level of self-awareness. Without judging them or trying to change them, you must understand that nothing they say or do is personal, but it comes from their ignorance in distinguishing right from wrong. It is truly liberating because it helps you separate your self-worth from what a toxic partner or a coworker with whom you have a problem thinks. You can come out of that situation learning, being even wiser, and without your self-esteem and confidence being destroyed along the way.
Q. Some people see stoicism and feminism as opposing ideologies. How do you think they can complement each other?
A. Many times, women who have experienced hard and difficult life experiences tend to get very trapped in the victim role. I say this based on my personal experience and completely justified because, obviously, we have been real victims of an unjust situation that we did not deserve. It is incredible to consciously recognize that you have suffered abuse or mistreatment, but it is very important for the healing process to move away from that role. There has to come a point where you decide to leave behind that personification and realize that you should not live with that mentality because it is not beneficial for you. I also do not think it is healthy to antagonize with the abuser. It has helped me a lot to transcend all those very painful events by realizing that I am not a survivor. I deserve to be a virtuous, brave, and wise woman. Those are the definitions that help me grow, have good mental and emotional health. I am not the experiences I have lived; I am what I have learned from them.
Q. If a woman wants to start learning stoicism today, where would you recommend she start?
A. In stoicism, khalós is a Greek word that means "beautiful" or "noble," but its meaning goes beyond the aesthetic. For the Stoics, it describes something that is morally good, virtuous, and worthy of admiration. Currently, we are very caught up in the world of appearances, believing that a woman's value lies in her beauty, her physique, superficial aspects, and her value to society in matters such as marriage or having children. For me, a woman's beauty lies in her innermost being, in the freedom to choose what she wants to do with her life, not in whether she fits a certain gender role or conforms to the mold that society tells her to represent. What purpose do you want to embody and live in peace with that decision, whatever it may be, is what makes you more beautiful.
Q. As a content creator on social platforms, what is your opinion on stoicism being sold as having a Lamborghini, doing 1,000 burpees, and getting up at five in the morning?
A. Yes, indeed, I feel that we have all these stimuli of what it means to be successful: very strict routines and very expensive material luxuries. For me, honestly, the most important lesson, however, is memento mori. A Latin expression that means "remember that you will die." In stoicism, it is a reminder of the inevitability of death and an invitation to live with purpose, without wasting time on trivial concerns or unnecessary fears. Epictetus used a striking metaphor when referring to the body as a "corpse we carry." Waking up in the morning with this opportunity very present, and not as something discouraging or depressing, is a gift. That you are here and now, alive. Being able to move, breathe, love, share... being rooted in the present. We do not need something bad to happen to realize how fortunate we are. I am going to make today the best I can with the tools I have.