The enneagram is not considered a scientific knowledge, but it has gained great popularity in humanistic psychology to try to answer the question: "Who are we?". It is a personality classification system based on nine fundamental types or behavior patterns, illustrated within a diagram of nine points, with the idea that each person predominantly belongs to one of these types.
The writer, lawyer, entrepreneur, coach, and lecturer Roberto Whyte (Madrid, October 29, 1962) was so marked on his path of self-knowledge that together with Margarita Guerra, president of the Spanish Enneagram Association, he published How to lead a fuller life thanks to the enneagram (Alienta Editorial). "Today, the path of self-knowledge is one of the already consolidated bases of personal growth," he explains. Claudio Naranjo, a psychiatrist and pioneer in the field of personal growth, played a crucial role in the dissemination and development of the personality enneagram, Whyte recounts. According to this theory, "we all go with a mask through life, which is a story of the self learned when our little heads were very small," based on ideas and beliefs of close people, on whom our survival depended, such as parents.
"Through this character, we learn to be loved, to be useful and productive, to be accepted... But sometimes, we get trapped in that character because we lose the connection with our essence." By discovering where these behaviors come from and what drives us forward as a character, intervention is possible because "being under a mask all the time exhausts us."
Why does he propose the enneagram to unmask ourselves? "One of the big issues in society today is depression and psychic exhaustion. And they have a lot to do with constantly acting under that character separated from our essence and to which we are addicted," he summarizes. It is not about labeling ourselves in a limiting way, he continues, because each person is unique and unrepeatable, but about understanding where our behaviors come from. "Self-knowledge is not a magic wand, but it makes you suffer less," he asserts.
He experienced it firsthand. With a degree in Law and a diploma in Criminology from the Complutense University of Madrid, there was a stage at 40 years old when he experienced psychic exhaustion. "I spent two years working with a psychiatrist through the enneagram knowledge field to understand how my character worked. It helped me so much not to be on the edge that I became passionate about it and wanted to delve deeper. In stressful situations, the character takes over our behavior and that is very dangerous for our mind. Learning your enneatype is key to not getting into those exhaustion processes," he reasons.
Anyone who looks back on their childhood will see that we face very similar problems, says Whyte. "Many times we blame the environment, one person or another, but maybe they were different, and the only ones who always remained on the scene were us. If, instead, we understand the sources of those reactions that get us into trouble, which are very similar throughout our lives, we can behave differently."
Through day-to-day observation, being present, and practicing mindfulness (mindfulness), according to Whyte, we can analyze to what extent the character pushes us to the limit. "For example, enneatype 2 is a seeker of love and connection. If they recognize themselves in these situations, through their personality pattern, they understand what is happening to them and can change things." It's not easy, he clarifies, and he himself falls into the basics of his personality pattern every day. "It's a daily job with which I can take measures so that it doesn't lead me to extreme situations," he defends.
In the professional world, we learn to compete with our mask, he assures. "On the beach, on vacation and relaxed, it's difficult to distinguish one enneatype from another. However, there are situations where it is very useful, to pay mortgages, in competitive environments... But it must be balanced with our essence so that we can live the life we want and not in constant stress."
It can take years to recognize the pattern, as Whyte reveals in these pages that it was his case. "It's tough because it hides a series of manipulations we do when relating, and we don't want to see it. I advise seeking the help of good accredited professionals within the Spanish Enneagram Association."
At a certain moment, we all have behaviors of any of the enneatypes, but there is always one in which we were trained as children, Whyte suggests. "It's where we go when we are stressed and in competition. But on social media, where we want to show our best version, we all enter pattern 3, the achiever, the excellent seller."
There are also public patterns. "The United States, due to its cultures and beliefs, is that enneatype 3, seeking image. And in movies, the heroes are often enneatype 6, and their driving force is fear." Whyte doesn't trust tests, which can approximate us to the pattern, but it's easy for us to respond idealizing a type. "It was my case, with 8, the controller, but how we would like others to see us sometimes does not correspond to our true personality. When you delve into the field of subtypes, you see the amount of possibilities and how complex it is," he elaborates.
It all depends on the person's level of consciousness. "The movie The Godfather is full of enneatype 8s, and what is behind it, in its essence, is innocence. A child who was taught that he had to be strong or they would exterminate him and entered adulthood assuming that role." Discovering the enneatype of the partner is very useful for Whyte. "Behind that behavior under stress, there is a person who suffers. My partner is enneatype 9 and it seems like she shows disinterest when she loses that connection, or even that she is very cold when she gets angry, which is what I thought before working on all this field for our relationship to be healthier."
This does not avoid confrontations, he clarifies, but it creates a territory where there is always a constructive goal with loved ones. "Under triumph and vanity, there is someone who doesn't feel valuable. I give the example of Cristiano Ronaldo, a clear enneatype 3. A successful footballer who hides a boy raised in slums with no money, who was teased, and who traveled many kilometers to play. That lack of worth that was embedded in him as a child produces an overreaction in the adult world, where he seems very conceited."
What if we don't like the discovered enneatype? "It can happen. Most of us access self-knowledge through suffering: either an illness, the death of a family member, or something that happens in our life that we have to go through. Some stay in suffering and denial, and others decide to overcome it. Not by going to the mountain to enlighten themselves, guru-style, but by trying to have as fulfilling a life as possible in their daily conflicts, falling and getting up."